Well, since the ultrasound put my "week change" on Sunday and the doctor has my due date as June 28 (a Tuesday), I'm going to start counting my week changes on Tuesdays. So, we've made it 22 weeks today. Gabriel is avidly kicking and squirming ... usually in the morning, at mealtimes (this little tyke likes to eat!) and at bedtime.
At my OB appointment yesterday, though, he gave us a little scare when he played "hide and seek" while the doctor was searching for his heartbeat. Being the good doctor that he is, my doc made light conversation with me as he moved the doppler -- covered in goop, mind you -- all over my belly. I kept thinking I was hearing things and then he'd say, "hmmm," and move it somewhere else. Finally, he found the heartbeat (near my belly button). He said it was difficult to detect because of all my blood vessels pulsing, but when we heard it, there was no doubt. That little "swoosh, swoosh, swoosh" was music to my ears.
As I'm typing this, Gabriel is literally kicking me. I can tell he's getting stronger :). I'm getting excited because in a few weeks, he'll be able to hear my voice. I've been singing to him already, just in case he can hear me, and praying out loud for him. I want him to know how much he is loved and wanted and how incredibly special he is.
The other day, we found an amazing deal on a crib bedding set. It's called Lambs & Ivy Habitat and it's so adorable! I have the valance and a receiving blanket, too, and hope to register for the lamp, mobile and wall art for my shower later this spring. We've begun clearing out one guest room so we can paint it and move our full-size bed into that room so we can transform our current guest room into a nursery. I wish the weather were warmer so I could take advantage of these weekends and paint, but I know fumes aren't good for pregnant mommies so I'll either need helpers, or I'll have to wait until Spring when I can open the windows. Either way, I'm getting excited. I'm hoping to paint the nursery green (similar to the paint swatch on the bedding website -- the link is above). There are so many things to do to get ready for our little miracle, but Lord willing, we'll have at least 18 more weeks to prepare!
On a more personal note, I've been struggling with some fear and depression lately. Part of it has to do with weight gain and hormones, I'm sure, and the dismal winter weather isn't helping at all. But there are other trials going on right now in the midst of the joy, and I'm afraid I'm letting these things steal my joy a bit. When I think on the last year and how amazingly God came through for me in so many ways, I know what I'm feeling right now is silly. I know that I need to focus on God and rely on Him to provide and work out the tough stuff, but sometimes that is just easier said than done -- especially when you add a third little person into the mix. I feel so responsible and I just don't know if I'll measure up. So, I'm going to try and surrender these feelings and ask God to fill me up with confidence in His ability to provide. That's all I'm going to ask for. That, and a healthy baby, and a healthy family. Truly, that is my heart's desire.
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